The School of Feedback Guitar Blog

I was musing the other day: What could a private teacher do to really creep a student out? At first I laughed out loud, but then I got a wee bit scared. I actually wondered if this sort of stuff happens. Anyhow, the following list is nine things a private teacher, whether yoga or guitar or Russian language, can do to creep their students out.

1. Smell Bad. If you are trying to succeed at creeping people out, make sure that your body odor is awful. This brings me to the next point:

2. Teach in a Horribly Lit, Small Room. This goes along well with number one. The lighting makes a difference too. In order to creep people out, I would recommend using florescent lights in a small room that it's hard to maneuver around in. This also brings me to the next point:

3. Cover All Windows with Thick Black Cloth. Yeah! Nine Inch Nails!

4. Keep the Teaching Space Really Messy. Nothing says "Run!" like a badly kept office. The teacher can absolutely succeed at creeping out the student if they succeed at keeping their desk unorganized, have strings and staples strewn about the floor, beer cans in the corner, drugs on a coffee table, and show an apparent inability to pick up after themselves. This goes along well with:

5. Drink Beer/Smoke/Do Drugs in the Lesson. Wow. This one really made me chuckle. Do people really do that?!?!?

6. Take Any Chance to Touch The Student. Wow again. Very cringe-worthy. If you seriously want to creep your students out, if you are truly aiming to be a slime-ball through-and-through, if you want to succeed at everyone hating you, then do this. Bonus if you do this with any amount of eye contact. The more the eye contact, the creepier.

Good God. Really, don't even think about doing that. It is seriously creepy.

7. Refuse Parents Entry into the Lesson. Three Words: Quadruple Red Flag.

8. Teach From Home. Offices are expensive, music stores are loud, and teaching from home is really creepy. "Yeah, this is a C Chord, and please don't pay any attention to the odor eliminating from my refrigerator, or the person getting shot outside where you parked." This brings me to:

9. Hit On Your Students. Being a teacher has more to do than shaping minds. People trust teachers. It's a noble cause. Don't be a jerk and abuse that power. Seriously, don't be a jerk.